I felt strongly prompted
this week to write about Women vs. Mothers. I think this topic has stemmed from
many women in my life who have either a) lost their mothers b) feel guilt about
their ability to be a good mother or c) have bad relationships with their
mother. This is not a post about my inability to feel compassion for those who
are struggling in one of these areas or who have not ever had the opportunity
to be a mother, so please do not think I am being heartless. I am not
discounting anyone's feelings, rather, I am hoping to give another perspective
on what we could be celebrating today.
Mother's day has not always
been easy for me. My husband, who I might add is my absolute best friend, and
is amazing at showing appreciation for me on an everyday basis, hasn't always
been the best at celebrating Mother's day. For him, more times than not, it was
a last minute throw something together kind of day. In comparison, I came from a home with a
father that spent time thinking ahead, getting gifts, and planning ways for us children to give service and pamper
my mom on Mother's day, and so I thought this was what all husbands did.
Because my husband didn't do what my father did, I spent many years harboring
hard feelings towards him for not taking time to plan ahead as a tribute to all
I did for our family. In the past few years though, I have come to
realize that we all do things according to the way we were shown by our
parents. I get the impression that Mother's day was not the same in my
husband's home as it was in mine, and that is ok. It isn't bad, it is just
different. This epiphany caused me to reflect on what Mother's day is really
about, and why we put so much stock in being the perfect mother, or having the
perfect mother, even celebrating with our mother.
I was reading a talk the
other day from the Spring 2015 General Women's Broadcast titled, "TheFamily is of God" by Carole M. Stephens, First Counselor in the Relief
Society General Presidency. Her thoughts on families and our role as women was
so profound and completely summed up what I think Mother's day should be
celebrating; which is Women. Women, and the legacy that we carry on from
generation to generation.
Carole Stephens said this,
"We each belong to and are needed in the family of God. Earthly
families all look different. And while we do the best we can to create strong
traditional families, membership in the family of God is not contingent upon
any kind of status—marital status, parental status, financial status, social
status, or even the kind of status we post on social media....As daughters of
God and disciples of Jesus
Christ, we then “act according to those sympathies which God has
planted” in our hearts.8 Our
sphere of influence isn’t limited to our own family members."
I know and testify that this is true. As an example of this, I have a very dear friend that is in every way like a sister to me. She has struggled in her own life with her relationship with her mother, and with her feelings of inadequacy of being a mother. In the mean time, she has taken my own children in and loved them like her own. She counsels them, she loves them, she nurtures them, and is truly there for them in a way that I (2000 miles away) can not do for them right now. What a blessing she has been to me and doesn't even truly see how she is every bit a righteous mother to my children, just as God has desired her to be.
We as women have a role, it is to, as Carole Stephens explained, create an eternal family. We have a legacy of faith and endurance, and patience, and charity, and nurturing to pass on. My mother did this so well and truly is a perfect example of this. However, there have been so many other women of faith that have done this for me as well. I honor all of them, those with children, those without children. Those who have reached out as mother figures to all those who they come in contact with and have loved me, my children, my family. God has given us such beautiful divine nurturing capabilities that extend beyond being a mother to just our own children. I think of this often since I have lived in Florida.
Since we moved here I have had the opportunity to have missionaries in my home on a regular basis. My goal is to have our home as a sanctuary and refuge from the craziness of life. We love the missionaries like they are our own and I have come to realize that I am mom to so many more than the six I gave birth to. How beautiful it is to me to share Mother’s day with the missionaries. They come into my home and spend time talking with their parents. They leave here so happy and I get to help facilitate that happiness. Life is beautiful. My divine gift of nurturing others in need is truly one of the most godly things I can do. I chose today to not think about what could have been, or what should have been, or what I haven’t done. I chose to celebrate our role as women, as God sees each of us.
I love being a woman!
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