Back in the fall of 2008, after battling weight issues for 17 years, something just clicked in my brain. I don't understand why it clicked, all I know is that when I look back on my weight loss journey during the next couple of years things were different. It might have had something to do with my gall bladder being removed and being told I had a fatty liver. But, even with that, the doctor wasn't worried; he just told me to lose weight, and do it slowly. Why would that have been a catalyst for change? I'm not really sure but it started a chain reaction with me. For some reason my thinking changed and I started to believe in myself.
I got down to a really great weight. For the first time in a long time I was happy with me. My body was healthy, I was active, and I didn't dread getting dressed in the morning. Then, at some point in the latter end of 2010 stress hit. Well, let's be honest, it hit in all of 2010. My 18 year old daughter fell in love and got married in Aug. of that year. Suddenly I was planning a wedding on a budget that was non-existent. Enter stress number 1. Then Mark decided to go back to school and get his doctorate. Enter stress number 2. While all of this was going on I was still going to school myself while being mom, wife, homemaker, accountant, day care provider (no seriously, I really was working as well), cheerleader, and shoulder to cry on. It was too much and I felt a breaking point coming.
I was frustrated and over a period of time started looking at food again like I had for so many years before. It became my crutch again. I didn't gain all of my weight back overnight though, it was a slow 4 year process. The first year it was 10 pounds, and I felt scared about the weight gain, but still felt okay about myself. The second year 5 pounds and then another 5 as the year closed out. The third year, another 5 pounds and then this last year and a half, another 17. This last 17 has been terrifying for me. I don't like myself anymore. I dread getting dressed, I feel terrible about how I feel and how I look.
I have been pondering that change a lot lately. Why am I heavy again when I don't like myself like this? Why do I let myself get to this point? As I have thought about my success from a few years ago and then what changed, I have come up with the lessons I learned and am having to relearn again. Hopefully this process will help someone who is struggling with body image and weight issues like I have for so long.
So, here goes. The top 5 things I have learned...
Weight Loss is not a journey, nor is it a destination. It is a progression.
When I think about how I lost so much weight I realize that my thinking changed. I no longer looked at weight loss as this big unattainable goal. I started getting excited for weigh in day, but the difference between now and then was my contentedness with who I was. I remember saying that weigh in day was like opening a present and the present was me. I would look at the scale and was happy with any change no matter how big or small. Sure, in some respects it was a journey of finding out who I was and being happy with me, however, it was more a progression of knowledge.
The dictionary defines progression as this; a movement or development toward a destination or a more advanced state, especially gradually or in stages.
This was me, I was journeying, and working toward a destination. I was progressing toward a goal in gradual stages toward a better me and during the process was developing my character as a truer understanding of my divine role as a daughter of God.
I progressed towards a thinner me.
Food is an addiction, and a coping mechanism.
When dealing with weight loss, the majority of us are battling a Mental change much more than the physical change. Now, don't get me wrong, I know that genetics play a role. I happen to have 6 siblings. Out of the 6 of us, 3 got the skinny genes, and 3 got the fat genes. One of my brothers (who is as skinny as a bean pole) happens to eat more junk food than I could ever hope to eat. Genetics. And seriously, it isn't fair! With that being said, the majority of us who have been battling a weight issue our whole lives and who have tried every diet on the face of the planet, understand that when it comes right down to it, food is our crutch. Sometime between infancy and adulthood our brain changed. We started looking at food as comfort. Why? I don't know honestly, My parents weren't comfort food eaters by any means. I didn't get that habit from them. So, why did I start choosing food to help me cope?
It's not an easy question to answer, but the stark reality is that when I lost all my weight a few years ago, I conscientiously chose to stop coping with food. I can see, as I look back on the last four years, that I didn't stop using food to cope long term. That was a big part of my downfall.
There isn't a magic pill, potion, or plan to fix food addictions.
When I lost my weight 5 years ago I was doing Weight Watchers. I am not necessarily saying that is the magic answer though. The "magic" so to speak, came from moderation. I read an article recently that compared skinny people's habits, with fat people. One of the points they made really struck me, it said that skinny people don't say they "can't" eat something, they say they "don't" eat something. Really reflect on that. When I go to a party and I am on a diet, I conscientiously say to myself that I can't eat the dessert because I am on a diet. What If I told myself that I don't eat the dessert because I don't like how it makes me feel and look? That to me seems like an empowering statement vs. I can't eat the dessert because I want to feel and look better. One takes away my control, the other gives me the control.
The magic weight loss isn't something that can be bottled or sold. Yes, there are people that have a lot of great ways to help us, but ultimately, until we take control and start looking at food as our fuel instead of our enemy, and then treat all food in proper moderation, there isn't going to be any marked progression in our journey.
There is no place for instant gratification when it comes to weight loss.
I know this would seem a little redundant with the lessons learned that I just talked about, and yet, in the weight loss journey, this is a very separate and distinct issue.
Let me go back for an instant to opening a present and that present being me. During my weight loss progression, I learned to be happy with my results instead of focusing on how far I had to go. I stopped looking for immediate happiness in the form of my body change. Today's world sell's us the instant gratification label in everything we do. We can get rich quick, get fit quick, get married quick, get divorced quick, get dinner on quick, Seriously, the list goes on and on and is only magnified these days by the tiny computers we hold in our hands. We can get information at the touch of a button. We can have answers to our problems in an instant with Google. This mindset has transended into our warped thinking that we should be able to fix our bodies overnight. And, if we can't then there must be something wrong with us! Well, weight loss doesn't work like that. Not if you want it to last, anyway!
I have done every diet out there. I'm not even going to bore you with the list because it is lengthy. So, what changed during my weight loss success? I stopped looking for an instant change. I stopped looking for the magic pill, potion, or plan. I hunkered down, pulled up my boot straps, bucked up, and chose to be happy with the long term plan.
There will never be a perfect ending, but you can still be blissfully happy!
At some point during my journey, all of these things that I learned became obsolete. I kept looking in the mirror and for some reason all my lessons were no longer applicable. I forgot to take into account the lessons I had learned. I still saw fat on my body. I still jiggled. I lost sight of how great my present that I had unwrapped was looking. Then, as Satan waged that war inside my brain, I got tired of battling. I got more and more obsessed with being perfect. I exercised like a fiend and couldn't look like the beach body I had been working towards. I listened to Satan and started hating myself even though I had actually been happy with all I had accomplished.
The world tells us that we must have the perfect perky boobs, a flat stomach, not too much and not too little hind end, no fat deposits, no wrinkles, and certainly no stretch marks. The more obsessed I bacame with the world's image of what I should look like the less happy I became with all the wonderful progress I had made. Then, as I looked at myself as satan would have me look, I got more and more down, and ultimately started treating myself bad and proved myself right. Thirty seven pounds heavier and I have certainly proved me right.
I was happy. I should have stayed happy! And, now that I look back, boy do I wish I was back there again!!! We don't have to become obsessed with an unobtainable goal. We can be happy with every little step we take, and we don't have to reach some magic number on the scale to somehow have self worth.
This is a picture of me (in the Old Navy Hat) at my thinnest. Those jeans are a size 4 I think. I seriously could kick myself that I let Satan have so much control over my self worth.
So, I said that I have been pondering all of these thought of mine. Then, a few days ago, I came across a blog post written by Sara Wells from the Blog Our Best Bites. I love them! So down to earth and fun and just real women dealing with real issues. Sara wrote about her own weight loss journey and I was inspired. I'm tired of giving up on myself. I am ready to make my progression towards the authentic me again. I'm not just talking about the outside me, I'm talking about the part of me that remembers her self worth. That listens to God's love for me instead of what Satan would have me think.
I am giving myself two years. I want to remember the good parts of me and not get obsessed with the things that aren't going to change after giving birth to 6 kids. :D I am starting today but I am starting slow. I will only weigh once a week, and I will be happy with the progress. I will go to the gym 5-6 days a week and make better food choices. Slowly I will peel back the me I can be happy with again and yet will find peace in who I already am. Only through the Lord can that peace come, and I am ready and anxious to let it into my life again.
Thank you Sara for your words of wisdom!
I got down to a really great weight. For the first time in a long time I was happy with me. My body was healthy, I was active, and I didn't dread getting dressed in the morning. Then, at some point in the latter end of 2010 stress hit. Well, let's be honest, it hit in all of 2010. My 18 year old daughter fell in love and got married in Aug. of that year. Suddenly I was planning a wedding on a budget that was non-existent. Enter stress number 1. Then Mark decided to go back to school and get his doctorate. Enter stress number 2. While all of this was going on I was still going to school myself while being mom, wife, homemaker, accountant, day care provider (no seriously, I really was working as well), cheerleader, and shoulder to cry on. It was too much and I felt a breaking point coming.
I was frustrated and over a period of time started looking at food again like I had for so many years before. It became my crutch again. I didn't gain all of my weight back overnight though, it was a slow 4 year process. The first year it was 10 pounds, and I felt scared about the weight gain, but still felt okay about myself. The second year 5 pounds and then another 5 as the year closed out. The third year, another 5 pounds and then this last year and a half, another 17. This last 17 has been terrifying for me. I don't like myself anymore. I dread getting dressed, I feel terrible about how I feel and how I look.
I have been pondering that change a lot lately. Why am I heavy again when I don't like myself like this? Why do I let myself get to this point? As I have thought about my success from a few years ago and then what changed, I have come up with the lessons I learned and am having to relearn again. Hopefully this process will help someone who is struggling with body image and weight issues like I have for so long.
So, here goes. The top 5 things I have learned...
Weight Loss is not a journey, nor is it a destination. It is a progression.
When I think about how I lost so much weight I realize that my thinking changed. I no longer looked at weight loss as this big unattainable goal. I started getting excited for weigh in day, but the difference between now and then was my contentedness with who I was. I remember saying that weigh in day was like opening a present and the present was me. I would look at the scale and was happy with any change no matter how big or small. Sure, in some respects it was a journey of finding out who I was and being happy with me, however, it was more a progression of knowledge.
The dictionary defines progression as this; a movement or development toward a destination or a more advanced state, especially gradually or in stages.
This was me, I was journeying, and working toward a destination. I was progressing toward a goal in gradual stages toward a better me and during the process was developing my character as a truer understanding of my divine role as a daughter of God.
I progressed towards a thinner me.
Food is an addiction, and a coping mechanism.
When dealing with weight loss, the majority of us are battling a Mental change much more than the physical change. Now, don't get me wrong, I know that genetics play a role. I happen to have 6 siblings. Out of the 6 of us, 3 got the skinny genes, and 3 got the fat genes. One of my brothers (who is as skinny as a bean pole) happens to eat more junk food than I could ever hope to eat. Genetics. And seriously, it isn't fair! With that being said, the majority of us who have been battling a weight issue our whole lives and who have tried every diet on the face of the planet, understand that when it comes right down to it, food is our crutch. Sometime between infancy and adulthood our brain changed. We started looking at food as comfort. Why? I don't know honestly, My parents weren't comfort food eaters by any means. I didn't get that habit from them. So, why did I start choosing food to help me cope?
It's not an easy question to answer, but the stark reality is that when I lost all my weight a few years ago, I conscientiously chose to stop coping with food. I can see, as I look back on the last four years, that I didn't stop using food to cope long term. That was a big part of my downfall.
There isn't a magic pill, potion, or plan to fix food addictions.
When I lost my weight 5 years ago I was doing Weight Watchers. I am not necessarily saying that is the magic answer though. The "magic" so to speak, came from moderation. I read an article recently that compared skinny people's habits, with fat people. One of the points they made really struck me, it said that skinny people don't say they "can't" eat something, they say they "don't" eat something. Really reflect on that. When I go to a party and I am on a diet, I conscientiously say to myself that I can't eat the dessert because I am on a diet. What If I told myself that I don't eat the dessert because I don't like how it makes me feel and look? That to me seems like an empowering statement vs. I can't eat the dessert because I want to feel and look better. One takes away my control, the other gives me the control.
The magic weight loss isn't something that can be bottled or sold. Yes, there are people that have a lot of great ways to help us, but ultimately, until we take control and start looking at food as our fuel instead of our enemy, and then treat all food in proper moderation, there isn't going to be any marked progression in our journey.
There is no place for instant gratification when it comes to weight loss.
I know this would seem a little redundant with the lessons learned that I just talked about, and yet, in the weight loss journey, this is a very separate and distinct issue.
Let me go back for an instant to opening a present and that present being me. During my weight loss progression, I learned to be happy with my results instead of focusing on how far I had to go. I stopped looking for immediate happiness in the form of my body change. Today's world sell's us the instant gratification label in everything we do. We can get rich quick, get fit quick, get married quick, get divorced quick, get dinner on quick, Seriously, the list goes on and on and is only magnified these days by the tiny computers we hold in our hands. We can get information at the touch of a button. We can have answers to our problems in an instant with Google. This mindset has transended into our warped thinking that we should be able to fix our bodies overnight. And, if we can't then there must be something wrong with us! Well, weight loss doesn't work like that. Not if you want it to last, anyway!
I have done every diet out there. I'm not even going to bore you with the list because it is lengthy. So, what changed during my weight loss success? I stopped looking for an instant change. I stopped looking for the magic pill, potion, or plan. I hunkered down, pulled up my boot straps, bucked up, and chose to be happy with the long term plan.
There will never be a perfect ending, but you can still be blissfully happy!
At some point during my journey, all of these things that I learned became obsolete. I kept looking in the mirror and for some reason all my lessons were no longer applicable. I forgot to take into account the lessons I had learned. I still saw fat on my body. I still jiggled. I lost sight of how great my present that I had unwrapped was looking. Then, as Satan waged that war inside my brain, I got tired of battling. I got more and more obsessed with being perfect. I exercised like a fiend and couldn't look like the beach body I had been working towards. I listened to Satan and started hating myself even though I had actually been happy with all I had accomplished.
The world tells us that we must have the perfect perky boobs, a flat stomach, not too much and not too little hind end, no fat deposits, no wrinkles, and certainly no stretch marks. The more obsessed I bacame with the world's image of what I should look like the less happy I became with all the wonderful progress I had made. Then, as I looked at myself as satan would have me look, I got more and more down, and ultimately started treating myself bad and proved myself right. Thirty seven pounds heavier and I have certainly proved me right.
I was happy. I should have stayed happy! And, now that I look back, boy do I wish I was back there again!!! We don't have to become obsessed with an unobtainable goal. We can be happy with every little step we take, and we don't have to reach some magic number on the scale to somehow have self worth.
This is a picture of me (in the Old Navy Hat) at my thinnest. Those jeans are a size 4 I think. I seriously could kick myself that I let Satan have so much control over my self worth.
So, I said that I have been pondering all of these thought of mine. Then, a few days ago, I came across a blog post written by Sara Wells from the Blog Our Best Bites. I love them! So down to earth and fun and just real women dealing with real issues. Sara wrote about her own weight loss journey and I was inspired. I'm tired of giving up on myself. I am ready to make my progression towards the authentic me again. I'm not just talking about the outside me, I'm talking about the part of me that remembers her self worth. That listens to God's love for me instead of what Satan would have me think.
I am giving myself two years. I want to remember the good parts of me and not get obsessed with the things that aren't going to change after giving birth to 6 kids. :D I am starting today but I am starting slow. I will only weigh once a week, and I will be happy with the progress. I will go to the gym 5-6 days a week and make better food choices. Slowly I will peel back the me I can be happy with again and yet will find peace in who I already am. Only through the Lord can that peace come, and I am ready and anxious to let it into my life again.
Thank you Sara for your words of wisdom!
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