I have now lost a total of 24 pounds. I am down approximately 2 pant/dress sizes. I am feeling really good! Something struck me though that most of you might think is silly but none the less was a major epiphany for me.
I am still the same person.
I have spent the good majority of my adult life hoping wishing and willing my body to be skinnier. I was sure that somehow, when I was a size 4 again, I would be a different person. I was sure that I would be more confidant, more liked, more successful. Yes, I have received many compliments (and no, I am not a size 4 yet) and that always feels good but when all is said and done and I am sitting in the privacy of my own home I realize that nothing has really changed except for the fact that I feel better about how I look. I am still an over achiever, I still take on more than I can handle, I am still overly tired, I still struggle cleaning my bathroom, and I don't have any more friends knocking down my door. Yep, I am still just me. Maybe just maybe I am a great me the way I am though.
I think we heavy people make up stories about how perfect life is for the thin people. We are sure that they have more friends, have more fun, have more confidence, have less trial, have more. Really? Why? Because we live in denial. We think that our struggles come from our weight because maybe it is easier to blame our misery on being fat. Blaming our fat is a tangible something to blame hardship on.
Don't get me wrong, there is much to be said for being thinner. My body feels good. I don't hurt going up the stairs. I have more stamina to get me through the day. I can walk the kids up to their school without getting winded. I fit in my clothes and don't dread going to the store to purchase a pair of pants. Those are definitely good things. But, I am still me. So, like or not, skinny or fat, I am what I am and that isn't going to change. Much.
I am still the same person.
I have spent the good majority of my adult life hoping wishing and willing my body to be skinnier. I was sure that somehow, when I was a size 4 again, I would be a different person. I was sure that I would be more confidant, more liked, more successful. Yes, I have received many compliments (and no, I am not a size 4 yet) and that always feels good but when all is said and done and I am sitting in the privacy of my own home I realize that nothing has really changed except for the fact that I feel better about how I look. I am still an over achiever, I still take on more than I can handle, I am still overly tired, I still struggle cleaning my bathroom, and I don't have any more friends knocking down my door. Yep, I am still just me. Maybe just maybe I am a great me the way I am though.
I think we heavy people make up stories about how perfect life is for the thin people. We are sure that they have more friends, have more fun, have more confidence, have less trial, have more. Really? Why? Because we live in denial. We think that our struggles come from our weight because maybe it is easier to blame our misery on being fat. Blaming our fat is a tangible something to blame hardship on.
Don't get me wrong, there is much to be said for being thinner. My body feels good. I don't hurt going up the stairs. I have more stamina to get me through the day. I can walk the kids up to their school without getting winded. I fit in my clothes and don't dread going to the store to purchase a pair of pants. Those are definitely good things. But, I am still me. So, like or not, skinny or fat, I am what I am and that isn't going to change. Much.
Comments