Mark is Cancer Free!!!
What a whirlwind of a month December was for us. With the month behind us we still have unanswered questions but the best news we could have received was given to us. So, what now? We keep watching the growth on Mark's lung. If it continues to grow then we will need to have it removed. In the mean time it is mostly life back to normal.
I say mostly because I feel like a changed person and I wouldn't change that for anything. I love looking back on trials or even perceived trials and recognizing emotional, spiritual growth. This has been one of those amazing experiences for me. I know that the Lord had a hand in this. I know that I was prepared for the emotions my family and I would go through.
What did I learn though? I just read "A Return to Virtue" a talk from the General Conference edition of the Ensign (an LDS magazine) from November of 2008 given by Sister Elaine S. Dalton where she says that she determined "In the strength of the Lord, I can do all things." I have gained a strong testimony of the truthfulness of this statement and I know that I can too.
It never ceases to amaze me how the Lord can work miracles in our lives. Recently my family was reading in the Book of Mormon in Alma about how either we choose to be humbled or the Lord humbles us. I have thought about that in terms of our learning and growth as well. Either we find ways to learn and grow through our experiences or the Lord makes sure we learn and grow. So as I reflect on what I learned, the most prominent thing that comes to my mind is that I gained a very strong testimony of the power of people praying for you. My Bishop went through major medical problems and surgery earlier this year and his family testified that they could feel the strength of people praying for them. I didn't know what that meant. I couldn't really understand how you would feel somebody praying for you. Then, when we were told that Mark had cancer, Mark and I called all of our family and asked them to pray and fast for us the following Sunday. As Mark and I fasted that Sunday an amazing thing happened. I wasn't hungry. Not only was I not hungry but Mark and the kids who were fasting weren't hungry either. Why would that be? The power of prayer and fasting. I know with every fiber in my being that we were lifted up and sustained by the Lord through the prayer and fasting of others. It was a small but significant miracle in our lives.
Then another amazing thing happened, the next couple of weeks as we waited to meet with doctors and have the biopsy done I felt overwhelming peace. For anybody that knows me, you know that I struggle with anxiety. Normally when I go through major stresses like this I get really worked up. Early on in this whole process Mark had asked for a blessing from our bishop and I asked Mark for a comfort blessing. In both of our blessings the Lord was not real specific about the outcome of this trial. Mark was never specifically told that he would be healed rather he was blessed that he would be able to see the power of the priesthood in his life and that he would be able recognize the Lord's hand in his life. Among other things I was blessed that I would be able to feel peace and that I would be able to continue to get the things done that I was responsible for. With as ambiguous as both of our blessings were, and with my anxiety, I should have been a wreck. One of the struggles for me dealing with anxiety is that I have moments where I have a hard time discerning between a bad feeling about something and anxiety. I get worried to the point of literally feeling sick to my stomach. None of this happened during Mark's cancer scare. I would have a brief, meaning seconds, moment of worry and then it would be gone. I know once again that this peace was in direct relation to the power of prayer.
I also came to a realization that might seem stupid or quite obvious to some but was important for me. One of my greatest fears in life is losing my husband or one of my children. In dealing with all of these emotions I had an epiphany one night that, regardless of whether or not Mark had cancer, I am not guaranteed him being around for the next 50+ years. I need to live and appreciate every moment of life. I need to stop taking for granted the fact that we are still here on this earth. Every moment that any of us have on this earth is a precious gift from God and needs to be treated as such. Sometimes I become complacent. I think that I have time on my hands to do the 101 things I want to accomplish in this life. Really? I have no idea when the Lord will decide it is my time or Mark's time or anybody's turn for that matter. I need to be prepared and I need to live my life in accordance. I think if I knew when I was going to die I would live different than not knowing. So, I should live life as if I knew. I think my life would be fore fulfilled.
I had one of the most tender moments happen to me at Costco a few weeks ago. I was working as a front end assistant one day and couple of my co-workers were asking me what was going on with Mark. I quickly explained the latest information I had and ended with the statement that Mark just seemed too young to be dealing with this. When one particular woman got to the front of the line she asked me what I had meant by too young. I once again explained what our family was going through and then she told me that she understood. She has a granddaughter living at home with her who has brain stem cancer and is at the end of her life. As soon as she told me about her granddaughter my emotions overwhelmed me. I started crying, she started crying, she finished up her transaction, and then asked me for a hug. We briefly hugged and then she was gone. I haven't seen her since but that moment has stayed with me. She is a woman of strength who shared her soul with me long enough for me to feel buoyed up in my own trial. The Lord sends amazing people into our lives!
Another amazing thing that happened was the outpouring of support from family and friends. When my sister Dione heard the news the next day their family brought us dinner. She told me that they were trying to find a good time to bring it and her husband insisted that they do it immediately. They just wanted to do something to let us know how much they loved us.
Then the day of the first meeting with the specialist our neighbors across the street brought us dinner. We also had our compassionate service lady from our ward call us and tell us that she was bringing us dinner. Rachael told her we were already taken care of but she insisted on bringing it anyway and said, "well I guess you will just have dinner for 2 nights then." The day of the biopsy we were given dinner by 2 more people. When I was talking to my sister Cliss a few days earlier she had insisted on finding a way to help and offered to bring dinner. I told her that would be wonderful. Then on Sunday (when I was gone at work) the relief society passed around a sign up list for a meal for us. What ensued was a rush to be the first to help with whoever was in charge finally declaring that 2 women could help us together. When Mark later told the compassionate service lady (who he also home teaches) that we really were fine for that day she once again insisted that the meal would be brought in and that we would just have to deal with meals for 2 days again.
I honestly had no idea that our neighbors cared so much about us. I kind of feel like the nerd in the ward. Mark and I have so much going on with our family that when we are home we tend to be homebodies. It isn't that we don't like our neighbors, on the contrary we love them so much. But I watch everyone going out with everyone else, taking trips with people, having dinner together,etc., etc., and I wonder why Mark and I aren't asked to do things like that. Then I remember that we tend to keep to ourselves and it makes sense. Going through this whole experience and having women fight over who got to help us is quite humbling. Wow, we really are loved and I am so grateful to know that.
I don't even know if I am done there. We had such an outpouring of blessing that I can hardly count them all. We had more neighbor gifts given to us than any other year combined. We had somebody leave money on our doorstep. I was able to continue to work even though every other Costco in the state was doing lay offs. I didn't have to work outside on carts during the worst storms of the Holiday season and when I finally did have to work on carts, my lack of clothes was sufficient for the job. Even now as I list the many blessings I am overwhelmed. How am I, the dust of the earth as Alma (I think) puts it deserve such an abundance of love, support and blessings. I am truly humbled and grateful more than words can describe.
What a whirlwind of a month December was for us. With the month behind us we still have unanswered questions but the best news we could have received was given to us. So, what now? We keep watching the growth on Mark's lung. If it continues to grow then we will need to have it removed. In the mean time it is mostly life back to normal.
I say mostly because I feel like a changed person and I wouldn't change that for anything. I love looking back on trials or even perceived trials and recognizing emotional, spiritual growth. This has been one of those amazing experiences for me. I know that the Lord had a hand in this. I know that I was prepared for the emotions my family and I would go through.
What did I learn though? I just read "A Return to Virtue" a talk from the General Conference edition of the Ensign (an LDS magazine) from November of 2008 given by Sister Elaine S. Dalton where she says that she determined "In the strength of the Lord, I can do all things." I have gained a strong testimony of the truthfulness of this statement and I know that I can too.
It never ceases to amaze me how the Lord can work miracles in our lives. Recently my family was reading in the Book of Mormon in Alma about how either we choose to be humbled or the Lord humbles us. I have thought about that in terms of our learning and growth as well. Either we find ways to learn and grow through our experiences or the Lord makes sure we learn and grow. So as I reflect on what I learned, the most prominent thing that comes to my mind is that I gained a very strong testimony of the power of people praying for you. My Bishop went through major medical problems and surgery earlier this year and his family testified that they could feel the strength of people praying for them. I didn't know what that meant. I couldn't really understand how you would feel somebody praying for you. Then, when we were told that Mark had cancer, Mark and I called all of our family and asked them to pray and fast for us the following Sunday. As Mark and I fasted that Sunday an amazing thing happened. I wasn't hungry. Not only was I not hungry but Mark and the kids who were fasting weren't hungry either. Why would that be? The power of prayer and fasting. I know with every fiber in my being that we were lifted up and sustained by the Lord through the prayer and fasting of others. It was a small but significant miracle in our lives.
Then another amazing thing happened, the next couple of weeks as we waited to meet with doctors and have the biopsy done I felt overwhelming peace. For anybody that knows me, you know that I struggle with anxiety. Normally when I go through major stresses like this I get really worked up. Early on in this whole process Mark had asked for a blessing from our bishop and I asked Mark for a comfort blessing. In both of our blessings the Lord was not real specific about the outcome of this trial. Mark was never specifically told that he would be healed rather he was blessed that he would be able to see the power of the priesthood in his life and that he would be able recognize the Lord's hand in his life. Among other things I was blessed that I would be able to feel peace and that I would be able to continue to get the things done that I was responsible for. With as ambiguous as both of our blessings were, and with my anxiety, I should have been a wreck. One of the struggles for me dealing with anxiety is that I have moments where I have a hard time discerning between a bad feeling about something and anxiety. I get worried to the point of literally feeling sick to my stomach. None of this happened during Mark's cancer scare. I would have a brief, meaning seconds, moment of worry and then it would be gone. I know once again that this peace was in direct relation to the power of prayer.
I also came to a realization that might seem stupid or quite obvious to some but was important for me. One of my greatest fears in life is losing my husband or one of my children. In dealing with all of these emotions I had an epiphany one night that, regardless of whether or not Mark had cancer, I am not guaranteed him being around for the next 50+ years. I need to live and appreciate every moment of life. I need to stop taking for granted the fact that we are still here on this earth. Every moment that any of us have on this earth is a precious gift from God and needs to be treated as such. Sometimes I become complacent. I think that I have time on my hands to do the 101 things I want to accomplish in this life. Really? I have no idea when the Lord will decide it is my time or Mark's time or anybody's turn for that matter. I need to be prepared and I need to live my life in accordance. I think if I knew when I was going to die I would live different than not knowing. So, I should live life as if I knew. I think my life would be fore fulfilled.
I had one of the most tender moments happen to me at Costco a few weeks ago. I was working as a front end assistant one day and couple of my co-workers were asking me what was going on with Mark. I quickly explained the latest information I had and ended with the statement that Mark just seemed too young to be dealing with this. When one particular woman got to the front of the line she asked me what I had meant by too young. I once again explained what our family was going through and then she told me that she understood. She has a granddaughter living at home with her who has brain stem cancer and is at the end of her life. As soon as she told me about her granddaughter my emotions overwhelmed me. I started crying, she started crying, she finished up her transaction, and then asked me for a hug. We briefly hugged and then she was gone. I haven't seen her since but that moment has stayed with me. She is a woman of strength who shared her soul with me long enough for me to feel buoyed up in my own trial. The Lord sends amazing people into our lives!
Another amazing thing that happened was the outpouring of support from family and friends. When my sister Dione heard the news the next day their family brought us dinner. She told me that they were trying to find a good time to bring it and her husband insisted that they do it immediately. They just wanted to do something to let us know how much they loved us.
Then the day of the first meeting with the specialist our neighbors across the street brought us dinner. We also had our compassionate service lady from our ward call us and tell us that she was bringing us dinner. Rachael told her we were already taken care of but she insisted on bringing it anyway and said, "well I guess you will just have dinner for 2 nights then." The day of the biopsy we were given dinner by 2 more people. When I was talking to my sister Cliss a few days earlier she had insisted on finding a way to help and offered to bring dinner. I told her that would be wonderful. Then on Sunday (when I was gone at work) the relief society passed around a sign up list for a meal for us. What ensued was a rush to be the first to help with whoever was in charge finally declaring that 2 women could help us together. When Mark later told the compassionate service lady (who he also home teaches) that we really were fine for that day she once again insisted that the meal would be brought in and that we would just have to deal with meals for 2 days again.
I honestly had no idea that our neighbors cared so much about us. I kind of feel like the nerd in the ward. Mark and I have so much going on with our family that when we are home we tend to be homebodies. It isn't that we don't like our neighbors, on the contrary we love them so much. But I watch everyone going out with everyone else, taking trips with people, having dinner together,etc., etc., and I wonder why Mark and I aren't asked to do things like that. Then I remember that we tend to keep to ourselves and it makes sense. Going through this whole experience and having women fight over who got to help us is quite humbling. Wow, we really are loved and I am so grateful to know that.
I don't even know if I am done there. We had such an outpouring of blessing that I can hardly count them all. We had more neighbor gifts given to us than any other year combined. We had somebody leave money on our doorstep. I was able to continue to work even though every other Costco in the state was doing lay offs. I didn't have to work outside on carts during the worst storms of the Holiday season and when I finally did have to work on carts, my lack of clothes was sufficient for the job. Even now as I list the many blessings I am overwhelmed. How am I, the dust of the earth as Alma (I think) puts it deserve such an abundance of love, support and blessings. I am truly humbled and grateful more than words can describe.
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